ACoA CHARACTERISTICS
Hangovers from a wounded childhood
A C o A s are:
Determined Survivors, very Intelligent, highly Creative, Intuitive, Clever, often Compassionate & Good-hearted -- BUT not for themselves!
They expend so much time, money, effort & intelligence on helping others, who may be in need OR are just users, without taking care of themselves first.
They don't acknowledge how much they too need, because they're not allowed to - don't deserve to - think they don't know how.
SO, without recovery, they get burned out, are constantly disappointed, become enraged, don't get nourished / nurtured, often get sick, & end up feeling useless, hopeless & suicidal!
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THEN - If you grew up in a family with addiction (even second generation), neglected, abused, over-controlled - you survived by having to:
• deny (suppress) how much pain you were in, all the time
• ignore all the things that didn't make sense, but left
you feeling crazy & confused
• figure out how to function in the chaos & abuse, with no one
to help - & faking it all the way
• take care of yourself & others, way too early - managing,
but not actually knowing how
• believe that everything that was wrong in your family was
your fault and your responsibility
• get away from them by hiding, reading, going to neighbors,
sports & being 'the best' OR picking up an addiction
NOW - no matter how smart, educated, talented or determined, you still:
• don't know who you are (really) & don't think you can
trust your own judgement
• insist you have to be perfect, or else you're worthless
• have trouble defending & protecting yourself, inside from
the 'bad voice' or externally from other people
• have trouble setting boundaries or being autonomous
• aren't sure how to & afraid of having healthy relationships
(not lovable so no one will ever want you / put up with you)
• aren't kind, patient or fair - towards yourself
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ACoA "Laundry List" : They
¤ guess at what normal is
¤ have difficulty in following a project through to the end
¤ lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth
¤ judge themselves without mercy
¤ have difficulty having fun
¤ take themselves way too seriously
¤ have difficulty with intimate relationships
¤ overreact to changes over which they have no control
¤ constantly seek approval / affirmation from others
¤ feel that they are different from other people
¤ are either super responsible or super irresponsible
¤ are extremely loyal, even with repeated proof that their
loyalty is undeserved & unappreciated
¤ tend to stick to a course of action without considering
alternatives or possible consequences of their choices
This compulsive & rigid way of life leads to confusion,
self loathing, and loss of control of ones environment.
As a result, ACoAs spend years cleaning up messes
they create or enable others around them to create
For MORE extensive info on these traits go to : www.acoarecovery.com