DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY ROLES
The Family Systems Dynamics research shows that in a family with one or more active addicts, children take on roles (a false self) to help keep the family intact as a unit.
Some of these roles are more passive & some more aggressive. They're used for protection & escape.
In competing for attention and validation, each child may develop specific behaviors to feel like an individual, when trying survive growing up in an emotionally dishonest, shame-based, dysfunctional system.
Some children maintain one role into adulthood while others switch from one role to another as the family dynamic changes (like, when the oldest leaves home, etc.) An only child will usually play all of the roles alternately.
While these roles were unavoidable & useful at first, continuing them can cause serious problems in their future lives.
❧ HERO
These children are the ones who make the family & other role players look good. They fantasizes that if they could accomplish enough, the whole family would be "o.k.".
They ignore the problem & present everything in a positive light, as if the 'elephant in the living room' didn't exist.
They're perfectionists, overly conscientious, conform to all the rules, and constantly seek approval. In spite of being high achievers, heros always feel inadequate & fraudulent, forever waiting to be found out.
The underlying emotions are fear, guilt & shame
❧ SCAPEGOAT
These children act out in front of others, always in trouble - rebel, make noise, get any kind of attention, no matter how hurtful to themselves or others - all to deflect attention away from the addict & his/her need to get help, never considering them responsible.
They believe they are protecting the addict from persecution by become the substitute target (even to trying suicide) !
They openly defy authority, with anger their favorite escape - & as teens may go to jail, get pregnant, become addicts & are most likely to look outrageous, using whatever is currently "in" - body piercing, tattoos, "Goth" look, brightly colored or spiked hair, mismatched clothes....
The underlying emotions are shame, guilt & empty
❧ LOST CHILD
These children are very introverted, quiet, 'out of the way', withdrawn, careful to not make problems, avoiding most social interactions, hiding under tables, in closets, basement, or other safe, empty places but feeling the pain of loneliness.
When possible, they adopt other families to stay away from the drama at home, or disappear into their room to do solitary activities, such as build models or read a 'whole' library.
They give up their own needs, (live in deprivation) will never mention alcohol, abuses, mental illness & avoid any conversation regarding family roles. Never ask for help or recovery for self or family.
The underlying emotions are insecurity, loneliness, neglect & anger
❧ MASCOT
These children are the 'court jester' of the family. They draw attention away from the pain & dysfunction caused by the addicts, with a talent for being creative, amusing & entertaining.
Although genuinely intelligent, they act cute, silly, & are emotionally immature but use that to deflect focus from the dangerous adults.
Although they do bring humor to the family, it is often self-deprecating & harmful, making fun of the pain with shaming & inappropriate jokes about those involved. They sometimes hinder the addict's recovery.
The underlying emotions are embarrassment, shame, and anger.