21. How ACoAs ABANDON OTHERS  -- by Controlling, Idealizing, Devaluing, Ignoring

19. & 20. ABANDONMENT PAIN, Now (Part 1 & 2) - ACoAs Over- or Under- sensitive to Abandonment pain

18. WHY ARE YOU STUCK? -- following the Toxic Rules of childhood insures that we do not progress

17. NEGATIVE BENEFITS of Self-defeating Patterns -- it keeps us from facing painful emotions & information we don't want to deal with

15. & 16. The INTROJECT - the Bad Parent 'voice' (Part 1 & 2) -  we've internalized the damaged personalities & negative emotions of our most imortant caretakers from childhood

 14. Need for REVENGE --  the more we were neglected & abused as kids, the angrier we became & the more we want to lash out

 13. Healthy HELPING -- requires the helpers to have good self-esteem & strong boundaries & that the help-ees are willing to be responsible for their own life

 12. RESCUING: False Helping -- taking care of others INSTEAD of ourselves & having the hidden motive of making US feel less self-hating

11. What to DO When you're NOT SURE -- list needs & desires, then list priorities & options. Get positive support.

10. What is SHAME?  -- the emotion created by NEEDS we have in the present which were punished or ignore in childhood

 9. What is GUILT?  -- the emotion created by certain actions: when we BREAK a toxic Family RULE

 8. Responsibility vs Self-Hate -- accepting who & what we are VS judging who we are & what we do AS BAD

 7. Rebellion vs Compliance vs Acceptance --  false  •VS•  none  •VS•  Healthy Boundaries

 6. Symbiosis vs Attachment -- being enmeshed with someone ( like clones) VS connecting from one's True Self

 5. PARENTAL BLAME (leads to feeling Guilt, Shame & wanting Revenge) -- unhealthy parents blame their kids for all their own ills, which the kids believe & end up full of shame, self-hate & rage

 4. "FEELINGS aren't FACTS" -- 'feeling' means 2 different things: Thoughts OR Emotions & it's out thoughts that are NOT always accurate

 3. "FEAR is the ABSENCE of LOVE" -- old fear must be healed, so we can take in available love AND our negative thinking, which adds fear, must be replaced

 2. People SHOULD treat me better - BUT I WON'T let them -- the ACoa dilema: wanting to be loves & paid attention to BUT not feeling worthy & not having permission to receive

 1. 'What OTHERS think of me is NONE of my business"  -- yes, in one way but it's only possible if we have good self-esteem. No, another way - we live as part of the world community & need to find places we fit into & are accepted